Like a Knife in My Heart....

I owe someone an apology. In preparation for our 20th college reunion, my friend Jay said, "It's like a knife in my heart that we're not young anymore" -- and I immediately told him all the reasons he shouldn't feel that way.

Well, I take it all back.

I love this picture representing the feeling, because it's not gory and it's not sad, and in many ways I think it represents strength. The heart still glows around the blade, and the two seem to be in the process of becoming one.

I knew my return to campus would trigger many conflicting emotions, and I thought I was prepared, but truthfully I did not anticipate the cascade of feeling that I think Jay had in advance.....and perhaps we all had before the weekend was over. The realization that essentially the same amount of time had passed since graduation that had passed from our births to when we all first met was monumental for me. It was wonderful to see so many familiar faces, and so many beloved to me. Our lives were different then, and have perhaps become even more different now, but we will always have our Davidson experience during a formative time in our development and that keeps us connected.

What I did not expect was the powerful feeling that this was a turning point.

Going forward, I think I need to not take for granted that Davidson will always bind us, at least to the degree for which I hope and which I need. I am recommitting to these relationships.

The knife may not come out, but the heart will always be strong.

An Unexpected Place

I have a couple of friends who are obsessed with American Idol this season, especially the charisma and talent of one Adam Lambert.

I don’t “do” Idol. I’ve become so creeped out by celebrity culture I just can’t go there. But I have taken a look at Mr. Lambert’s performances on YouTube, and he does seem to have a certain something that breaks through even the manufactured drama of Simon Cowell. (I thought this interpretation of Tears 4 Fears’ “Mad World” was hypnotic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djn3ItxukbE Give a listen…..)

In their ongoing conversion efforts, my friends sent me a post from an Idol fan board. I think this excerpt speaks for itself. Sometimes a life changing contact can come from the most unexpected place.

"For me, it’s almost like in addition to adoring his musical abilities and the 'person' (however limited our view of that is) he portrays, he kind of took me to a place I hadn't been in a long time - one where I was in touch with my real feelings for the first time in ages. Music hasn't moved me in a long time, but his has taken me out of numbness and for this I owe him a debt of gratitude. It’s like he somehow busted through a dam in my heart, and now the floodwaters of good feeling are coming out. This sounds like a cliche, but it’s true. And how, exactly, would one NOT become a wee bit obsessed with someone, real or in Adam's case fairly 'imaginary' that did something so important? Not important to anyone else, but massive in my little life!

But more than that, he is a kind of symbol for me, he inspires me to great depths and I know not why. There is something so singularly unique about him that makes ME feel brave to be MY OWN singular, unique person. There is no greater gift that someone can give than that.”