It Takes Two

"Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him and to let you know that you trust him." Booker Taliaferro Washington

I have a stack of notepaper, each page of which has a snappy quote. Some are good, some are not good, and some stop me in my tracks. The one from Booker T. today was the latter.

We seem so anxious to apply one or the other, but rarely both. Some might say trust is earned, not bestowed, and I do agree with that. But I think there are also times when one has to be willing to give both responsibility and trust in order to really get results.

Our public assistance program is a great example of all responsibility, zero trust. I don't have the answer, but I do worry that heaping obligation on people while simultaneously indicating a complete lack of trust is a dynamic headed for failure.

I also see a lot of this in the personal lives of people around me. A tight demand for meeting expectations and needs, but extreme stinginess in the trust department. Like the public assistance program, it seems to thrive on resentment and anger. The more resentful a person is, the more responsibility is demanded and the more trust is witheld.

It's hard to watch, and even harder to change. All that any of us can do is to support putting responsiblity and trust together as often as we can, and try to show it working in our own lives.

Photo credit: Vagawi, http://www.flickr.com/photos/vagawi/3155400274/

The Tattoo and The Beach

So here it comes….the family beach vacation and a week spent hiding my tattoo. What is wrong with me? I mean really.

Two years ago I got this absolutely rockin’ tattoo. I even wrote a short essay about it during a Davidson College alumni weekend modeled after the NPR “This I Believe” series. Here is an excerpt from that essay:

“I needed permanent representation of bringing my heart and mind to peace with nearly ten consecutive, tumultuous years involving (illness), professional struggle, marital crisis, and infertility. Enough was enough, and my soul hungered for a ritual to mark my moving forward. When the voice of the universe whispered repeatedly the answer was a Eurasian practice of permanent decorative skin marking from Neolithic times, I was stunned. I expected something more like a new sports car.”

As much as I adore this new part of me, I cringe at the idea of sharing it with people I think will judge me. I’m an adult two times over and I still can’t be my full self with my own parents. I have a cousin half my age who floats in the same general familial goo I grew up in who proudly sports her tatt and even had her wedding dress cut to show it off last month. She and I recently reconnected after well over 10 years of no contact, and I’m wondering if there is a higher opportunity there. Maybe she is my bridge to “coming out” with my art. I’m thinking about sending my full “This I Believe” essay to the folks before beach week.

I may need to just bite the bullet and ‘fess up and move on. I’m not really in the mood for hiding anymore. Any thoughts and advice are more than welcome. I’ll post how it goes soon.
(For the record, if you are looking for the real deal in a great tattoo artist and shop, find Robert Ashburn at http://www.liquiddragontattoo.com/.)

Purposeful Honesty

Nietzche once said, “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

Amen, brother!

Often we are so focused on the fact-based realities of whether or not we have “lied,” as if that is itself the arbiter of right and wrong, of positive or negative consequences. Isn’t the real issue whether or not we have nurtured trust with other people?

There is a lot going around about the technical aspects of truth in some local community dealings. And it really seems to miss the point by a wide, wide margin. The point is that in order to continue to function as organizations, as government, as friends and neighbors and lovers and the rest, we have to have a bedrock belief that the information we exchange with one another is not only technically correct but that it comes from a place of purposeful honesty, not evasion.

Sadly, it is so easy to take for granted the good will and belief in us that most people offer up front; you only internalize what you have lost when you realize that gift is gone once you’ve treated it too casually. Getting it back can be a long road.

What holds you back from purposeful honesty, in personal as well as public life?

Reinstituting Trust

I am one of the last folks you will find crying crocodile tears over PR crises in big corporations; that’s because usually it seems to be a result of something dangerous or unethical they’ve been hiding. But I do acknowledge the difference between sabotage and corruption. A very big difference.

The YouTube video of Domino’s employees tampering with the sanitation of the food went viral this week, and my first reaction was simply to think, “Whoa, Domino’s is screwed.”

In this day and age anyone can use social media for good or for ill. Ill is exemplified by the recent Domino’s incident, when two immature – that’s the right word -- employees (they are in their 30s) manufactured an image of the food chain knowingly serving contaminated food. Once a visual image of something is out there, it is very hard to correct or change.

I keep thinking about the movie “Doubt” where Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s character used the idea of letting feathers out of a pillow, and then being asked to put them all back in once they have been scattered by the wind. All the intention in the world to undo the deed is challenged severely by the reality of the consequential damage.

But then here comes Domino’s. Heck if they didn’t turn it all on its head by “responding at the flashpoint” and, my favorite analysis, “reinstituting the trust where it was lost.” The company went to YouTube themselves and outlined its response to the crisis and its expectations about change going forward.

The directness and swift action of the company was impressive. And their refusal to let a couple of goofballs have the upper hand is pretty cool. After firing the employees, the company even issued warrants for their arrests on food tampering charges. Going on the Internet, speaking directly to the consumer about what the problem was and how the company is addressing it both now and in the future – that’s about as straightforward as it gets.

I may still not be in the mood for delivery pizza for a while. Just sayin’.

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/2009-04-15-kitchen-pr-dominos-pizza_N.htm